Pretty Frustrated

I love love. I think I've said this before but I will say it again. I love love. I love red. I love red roses. I love red hearts. Poof! *burst of hearts of all sizes and all shades of red like fireworks*

You know, where movies and stuff makes us expect love to just come sweep us (Women. I am not sure about men!) off our feet like the burst of fireworks all sizzle and pop with all kinds of bright colours, beautiful against the dark night sky before falling down and fading off into a silent bliss that lingers. And when we see the other or even see ANYTHING that reminds us of the other, our heart skips a beat and a smile creeps from your heart up to your face and before you realize it your face is smiling and shinning and glowing like the sun. Then at that time it seems like the skies are much brighter, your feet is much lighter and there is not a single worry in the world that can bother you.

But what if in reality we are still single, wearing oversized sweaters and pyjamas pants staring at the screen with head phones on listening to all the fuzzy love songs by Westlife and seeing younger friends' photos and status updates of them having another instead of going out, Skyping with the other or even thinking about the other?

No, not desperate. But at this point it does makes me wonder and ask, where is mine and when is my turn? Probably those friends were trying to help out or something, with them receiving revelations of me being with that guy but what if he is not the one? What if I don't get to like him at all? What if he doesn't like me?

I hate all these confusing things. Much more when I haven't sort out things, haven't got to see things clear but people are pushing people in my face already. It does not help at all.

Please, if you want to do match making, introduce them, get them into situations where they need to work with each other and let it bloom by itself. If it works, it works. If it doesn't, let it go. Don't push them to look for each other! NOT HELPING!

If this one were working, even to the stage of friendship, we reached there before someone started throwing the notion of romance which never came into my mind especially with this guy which made me freak out big time sending me running to the other direction and into hiding.

Other than that, I never felt that way towards him nor were I attracted in any way at all to him and nothing appeals to me but quite several put-offs that actually puts me off about him. So imagine how will I be when they started SERIOUSLY teasing him and me big time in front of each other!

And I hate my situation now, thinking perhaps I should like him but not liking him, then looking at how he reacts and being more sensitive to his every move, all because of what they did. NOT HELPING!

Perhaps a bit more of a tact and knowing the TIMING of everything would help if it were meant to be. But now, it is too complicated. It makes me so confused and frustrated that I am tempted to do things like running to the other side of the world to see if he'll come chasing after me then only I know that he is the one. But without doing that, he never made any advancements also so WHY THE ON GOING NUDGING?!

I'm pretty fed up of throwing myself out with me working so hard to get close to those that I was attracted to but end up having nothing but a sore heart that has to learn to let go. So it is even more NOT HELPING when they ask me this ask me that trying to get me to contact the guy like making me go after the guy. Makes me wanna scream WOEI! BUCK UP MAN IF YOU WANT ME! I am no feminist to demand men to do what I say, nor am I the traditional suck-up-to-men thing.

Men likes the chase. Women likes being pursued. Or so that is what I gathered and what books told me.

I'm not saying I play hard to get. I'm not saying also that I just drop into your hands without any effort also. PLEASE SPARE ME THE CRAP.

Seriously?! I don't have time for all these crap. I have better things to do, to focus on. LIKE: pursue God.

Don't cry when you find the door closed when you only started pursuing.