:(

I hate it when I can't even full tune down during weekends. I wish I could but I am no longer the me that wastes time and not minding work getting undone and rushing last minute. Because I know those work matters, each work consisting of marks that make up that grade, that CGP that opens up the door that determines how smooth and how easy my beginning into the working world will be, it determines how people will look at me, it determines who people perceive me to be.

I hate it when it feels like I don't have control over all those things and all these things that have been pushed at me (I am only complaining about the extra credit hours that could have been dealt with in second semester) which I cannot run away and I don't even have time for myself to do the things I love, to sit and have fun, my kind of fun, which doesn't really consist of tons of laughter or booze just me by myself, doing creative stuff, combining colours, enjoy good movies, exercise, eat good food and chat with good friends, my old steady good friends that I haven't seen for some time, online far away friends, friends back home.. all of these which makes me - me.

Heck, I don't even have time to do God's stuff. I do pray and try to read the bible or those books everyday and every situation that comes my way, I do them, conquer them with God. But even to silently reflect with Him, it only comes once in a week.

I don't understand why the workload is so much. It is as if I am back in school when most of the time I spend in school and tuition and homework spilling into all my free time and I don't even have time to do anything else. Since last night, I have piled on like 8 episodes of Grey's Anatomy and each one is almost an hour. But those darn assignments kept nagging me like some crazy old hag, all those assignments and all those reading that I have no time to do.

:(