Analyzing with your own mind?

I was trying to write an essay about half an hour ago but I struggled. I do hope that it wouldn't be this hard if I go back to studying. The title of what I wanted to write was, "There is a lack of freedom given to teenagers today. Do you agree?" I have some initial thoughts for what to come in writing but I struggled.

Part of the reason was, I have long since abandoned trying to analyze and things through as if analyzing would bring me to a solution and answer that would answer everything. It was a very old familiar path that I used to travel on back in the days when I had no one to talk to and I wasn't as free and happy as I am today. I would dare to even describe that path to be one that easily let me slide into the spiral of depression. It isn't pleasant and I have never looked to enter that path again. Honestly I don't know when but I stopped.

So now, trying to think and analyze like that again, it just makes me dizzy and nauseous. That's why I never travel that path again. It doesn't mean that I stop thinking about things but rather than debating and analyzing things using my own mind as if my mind is God that can answer everything, I silence that stupid voice that tells me to go on that path of nowhere and shift my focus to where better investments of my thoughts and time could be made.

Think of it, you analyze with your own mind whether something is good or bad or makes sense. We, people with the melancholy personality can actually do that. But is there an end to the analyzing? Once you start analyzing you can't just ignore all the small details and all the possibilities of something happening. The world is so vast and so wide and so many things are at play at the same time, do you think with that brain/mind of yours you can come to a single solution or answer to that question?

That's what research does, that's what universities do, that's what universities train us to do. Endless possibilities, endless pursuits for answers. It's endless and it may or may not come to a solution. By proclaiming that you have come to the ultimate solution is an irony itself because no research ever comes to a dead end. After a while of muddling in the pool of endless possibilities, one could easily feel rather aimless and hopeless. Vast possibilities can feel like vast emptiness.

I don't like that. I hate that. Yes, hate. I hate that feeling. It feels like running after things with your own strength. I've tasted the strength, the abilities, the empowerment that I have as a child of God so to do things with the flesh, it's disgusting. He gave me hope. He gave me the surf board and brings the waves for me to surf on and He sends the wind to bring me to where He wants me to be and when I look deep within me, this is where I know I belong. I am not a blind follower. It's like a child recognizing his father and trusting that father knows what he has given and the great potential that father made the child to have and that great big heart that father has for the child to reach his full potential. And the pursuit is not endless. There is a light at the end of the tunnel, there is purpose in each step of pursuit in the darkness.

So in relation to studies, to research, God can actually tell me where to go, what to research on and how to research on and what to expect from the research. There is  guidance, there is leading, there is a promise that never fails. If I ever decide to turn the surf board and go my own way, I've found that I don't want to do that because it will end up with me trying to paddle my own way to where I want to go instead of going with the empowering waves.

I think I'll end here for now. Eventually I might talk about the different mindsets at play here. We'll see :P