I graduated with a Bachelor of Education in Teaching English as a Second Language (TESL). What lead me to take that? I can only say that God lead me there. But even as I have graduated as an English language educator, I can't say that I am confident as a very proficient user of the language I am supposed to teach. Yes, I can teach somewhat but I know that I have various limitations. It is kind of sufficient for me to teach the students here because their English language proficiency is very low and by their standards my English language proficiency is much higher than them but I wished I could be much better. I have been challenged by people who have had English learnt as their first language and I didn't like being challenged like that because I want to be better and so far I am still finding the means of making myself better but so far I have only learnt English as a second language rather than my first.
I love writing and I felt drawn to teach writing but I wasn't properly trained to teach writing. That particular lecturer exposed us to writing prompts and stuff but no other techniques and I am now researching them online. After reading just one or two articles of English teachers teaching kids of Grade three to Grade five, it felt like what I wished I could learn and master was just suddenly spelled out plainly that I can see and so suddenly I could write much better than before! Previously back in secondary school, we were drilled, forced to memorize essays and descriptive phrases to beautify our writing and I hated it because it wasn't authentic, it wasn't my voice, and it seriously lacked creativity and it led me to believe that I am not good in creative writing. It frustrates me because I have a lot of things going on in my head (and also my heart) and the only way I could sparsely let it out is through my poems.
After doing a bit of researching, learning not only the techniques to teach but also to apply to my own writing, I felt a very strong urge to write and so I began typing out whatever picture that I had in my mind and this paragraph just came:
The sun is shining brightly in the sky. On the road, not much traffic is going around. Not a person is in sight; everyone is probably hiding behind shutters or even enclosed rooms with their air-conditioning on but not for Auntie Mah. Seated under the shade in front of her cendol shop with a fan in hand flapping it gently, she awaits patiently for anyone who might need her services to reduce the sufferings of the heat of that high noon when the clouds somehow disappeared from the sky, leaving the naked sun rays to freely penetrate the atmosphere, beating down on the bare earth. Even the ants are uninterested in taking advantage of the unattended bowl of sweet liquid that Auntie Mah uses to sweeten the cendols she makes. It seems like every living thing is running off, looking for cover from the merciless rays of the scorching sun. There wasn’t even any slight breeze that would relieve anyone from the heat. All except for Auntie Mah, unfazed by the heat remains faithfully on her stool in her shade...And never in my life have I written something so beautiful from scratch that isn't a shadow of someone else's work. Doesn't it sound like the beginning of a nice novel or at least a short story? And I am very glad :)
I still wished I had good teachers who can help me get better. I wished I had opportunities to be exposed to great teaching so that I can also be a good and effective teacher who can actually help students to be better in English. It isn't easy in this area where English isn't seen as something of importance. All I can do now is to try by any means to get better, even though it takes a lot of initiative and investment of time and self discipline. But I am very glad for the internet haha :)
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