Hello Cynic.

Forgive me but I did realized that I have become quite a cynic after all the things that has happened in West Malaysia. To finally admit, I have been quite scarred from the experience especially in 2012. I think that was why I couldn't really tie the year up like in the previous year. All I remembered were the horrible people, horrible experience, especially how selfish and ridiculously hateful they were and how unloving and unkind they had been.

When I came back, I realized how many other people had become even more selfish and less understanding especially with the recent happenings that is going on here in my home.

Sorry buy a forewarning that this is another emotional release.

My dad got into an accident last Saturday. His collarbone was fractured, 4 ribs were broken as well. We thank God that it wasn't even more serious than that because of how the accident happened. He was knocked by a speeding car which went through the red light. My dad wasn't the first in line of cars and motorbikes that moved at green light. Well he fell over and from behind, motorbikes didn't stop in time but knocked him as well. Thank God they weren't cars.

The car that knocked him sped away. The motorbike that knocked him stopped but grabbed him roughly looking about saying, "Tak apalah, tak ada apa." feeling guilty but putting up a fierce front to show that he didn't had any injuries because he was not bleeding then they left. Only an old Malay guy helped move his motorbike to the side of the road. He had to ride the motorbike to a clinic he knew to ask for help.

Now he's at home. It's so painful he can't do much except just sit there and watch tv and stuff. Doctors said nothing much to do just let it stay in place and heal. (We consulted two doctors and the bone specialist already.) The broken ribs is not poking at any internal organs, his lungs were fine. He just started developing a cough which caused intense pain every time he had to cough. He's better today, able to stand without help from sitting position but still needing help in ways. And with CNY near, mom was busy with preparing and so on and tomorrow there's that CNY eve dinner. I told her there's no need to cook up a storm. I helped. My brother helped but sometimes he just doesn't know how to help. But some people just doesn't understand.

Relatives visited my dad. Dad's church people visited him. Those people are fine. But there are some which still do not understand how it is and what is going on in the home. They just couldn't comprehend.

Aunt #4 - lao chu nv. Comes around once in a while showing pity but it is obvious she doesn't understand or is concerned. Dropping off my depressed grandma at my house all the time when our hands or our emotional capability is already overloading. Asking mom to ask her friends for HSBC ang pow packets when mom doesn't even get to go out anymore because her hands and mind is full. Dropping by borrowing our house to put stuff and come and go as she pleases.

Aunt #3 coming back from Aus with cuzzies also another one. Said she'll be back to accompany depressed grandma but never did other than occasional dropping by her house and saying hi and talking to her softly even when grandma is being senile and depressed and making up stories. Always wanting to go out and now seeing that I can drive them just call up and ask us to bring them around as if we have all the time in the world. Said dad can be left with mom and everyone can manage. Bro already dunno how to help, always running off to Aunt #4 at her beck and call only I could help mom and she asks us both to go out just to entertain them while they don't want to make friends and associate with their relatives on their father's side always asking us to help the run off never thinking how busy we are.

Sometimes I was thinking that with dad's condition, running off somewhere for CNY would be nice. He can rest, mom doesn't have to work like that, we don't have to entertain those people.

People are becoming less loving and less understanding now.

Perhaps I am going through a process of dealing with internal things thus quite emotional sometimes now even before dad's incident. Trying to stay above the storm, hoping things are dealt with so that I can be prepared to enter the new semester of practicum do finish well.

Currently doing the course, Father's Heart. With the realization lately of me being on the peak of being cynical and cold and also sometimes really heartless, God help me.