It's Painful

I had a crappy class just now with an egoistic tutor who doesn't know how to speak in a gentler manner which sparks up my fire.

I felt very left out among some of my friends especially the ones I want to hang out with. It's not that I don't try but they just forget about me or they just don't care about me since they have each other.

It made me feel a surging rage of rebellion to just draw in to myself, to close out the world and not talk to anyone again. I can hide in my room, do things myself, go places myself and just do everything myself without depending on them, without waiting for them, without caring for them, without looking out for them. It just felt as if my heart for this doesn't mean anything to them, that I am a nobody to them and they can just go on without me. Fine. Then I hate the fact that I chose to be around them, I chose to hang out with them.

I was told to choose my friends carefully. I did. And now I doubt if it is a good advice for some reasons. I know it is one thing to be too picky about friends and I wasn't too picky. If I were picky I would have gone on along well without anyone because no one would be up to my standard. But I didn't. But still, look where I end up?

I walk on this road
I met these nice people
I gave my heart to them
As a sign of my friendship

In everything I did
I would consider them too
I would even look out for them
And made sure they're ok too

Yet as we walk and walked
When I turn around
I find them gone
And I'm walking all alone

I felt like reverting to my own world
But I can't, my heart's given away
And I wonder if they realise
How painful it is to be here in my position.