I Think It's A Goodbye

I will always remember the things I love. Adventures in KL and in Melaka. Going to Krabi even when there's only one friend left to go with. The zhuu yok fun in SS15. The roti canai banjir and banana leaf rice trips. The wantan mee near my school in Melaka.

I don't want to regress to a less threatening time. But it's when things are painful that you remember the things you love so that the pain felt is hopefully lessen. But to not regress means to face it. And allow Father to take all the pain away.

Truth or not, I see with my eyes.
When you stopped being who you originally were.
When you stopped being chatty around me
When you stopped making eye contact
When you stopped making any initiative to talk to me
When you stopped being comfortable around me
When you started looking so deliberate in responding to me
When you started being super silent when I'm around
When you started avoiding all contact with me
When you started being a totally different person
When you stopped being engaged in any communication with me.

And I see the death of a friendship despite what others told me.
And I don't think that I should force myself to believe that everything is alright.

And maybe it is time to walk away
Instead of forcing myself to try to engage and initiate.

Others may not see, but there's a change
And it doesn't look like it's something that can be recovered. 

I don't think there's anything else that I can do
Except for accepting the fact and stop torturing myself.
I've lost a friend and there's nothing I can do
It hurts, what do to, you moved on and I should too.