Desperate need for a break

I am in desperate need for a break. A break to get out of this place and away from these people to clear my mind. I am missing the yum cha sessions out at nights. Plus there's no wall climbing this entire week which is worst because wall climbing does help elevate my mood and clear my mind.

It has been a mix of frustration, disappointments, insecurity and sadness. I don't know who I can trust. I don't know who I can depend on. It's easier just to separate myself and live separated. But that is not the way to live. It is not easy to open up myself to welcome people again. I give parts of myself, my heart away. I don't just simply befriend people. I invest.

But lately I see so many signs that causes me to reevaluate those friendships. Can I trust her? Can I depend on her? She left me sitting alone in class. She looks for me only when we have group assignments together. She can be so nice that I trust her. But when I trust her and she turns to others, it's heart wrenching. Can I trust you? Can I depend on you?

It gets even lonelier when there's no one else which I can talk to.

Then there's that dilemma when I have to wrestle between friendships and work. Friends not contributing, can I scold them? Can I push them? But they are like those oxen who doesn't listen but move at their own pace. So, how? I care for the dialogue performance so much but she isn't giving and we didn't do well. I felt like I already gave a 100% but she isn't and it caused the whole performance to ... fail.

And it is frustrating. It's so frustrating.

Study, study, study, assignment, assignment, assignment, meeting, meeting, meeting, practice, practice, practice, work, work, work...

I really need a break :'(