Skyping! :D

Enjoyed today. Skyped with mom, grandma, bro and bestie :) Video called them! And for once my heart went home. Bestie's back for a week. I'll be back soon :)

I feel rather blessed these few days. I chatted with Uncle Sam last night. And even the talking with bestie just now... I feel really blessed. These are people who really cares for me. Who seriously really cares for me and NEVER EVER hurt me.

Now I feel that it is not about the culture thing anymore. Perhaps, yes. But still, in churches, aren't we supposed to have the culture from the bible, with principles from the bible being lived out rather than ones you created yourself?

People back home are concerned about me, wants me to leave this institution that beats me down and caused me to be in such hurt and disability that only God is here to help me up.

I don't know what really is the problem. When I faced serious difficulties with friends here in uni, they tell me that it is my fault. When I can't fit into their group, they tell me that it is my fault. When I am so broken, friendless and so alone, with their words haunting me that I cried during a session with them, they did not deal with it, did not prove to me that they are a safe place where I can confide and find support in and i had to deal with it all by myself. Perhaps I think, it's God's plan for me to grow strong. But still it is such a bad institution that I aim to stand up to NOT be one of them but to look out for those who needed support.

I was so broken, so without support that it required an invited speaker's altar call when I went up to be prayed for that the pastor break the negative voice and then told me of the pains that I have been through then calling forth healing then only I became better. I told her. She never relent. Betrayal and intense hurt came from her. She did not relent.

Perhaps my circumstances were tests for her to relent, to learn. God told me to stay. I did told her straight and gently with respect that her words were very hurtful. But she pushed the blame all on me. It's always my fault. Everything I did was my fault.

Everyone told me to leave. Everyone who cared for me told me to leave.

Perhaps it's time.