Yes I need someone to talk to. Or just jot down these thoughts. So I come to you as always. You are ever so loyal to me. Okays enough of these crap.
xD
Well, the long awaited night has passed. Was so looking forward to today's service to meet up with besties Terry and Andrea. It wasn't as crazy or as hyped as I thought it would get.
I reached church to find them bounding up to me. I was very happy yet not the hyper happy that I can get when I was home, the kind which I went crazy with them back home. Terry said that I don't looked that happy. I wish I would get crazy and happy and all that. But it didn't happen. It didn't happen at all through the whole night, through the worship, sermon til the end, nil. Zilch. We did had some fun and we enjoyed being together. But we didn't get to the max of the happiness we can get.
God reminded me that I haven't been living a conquered life here. I have been hiding in intimidation that's why I feel so quiet and subdued. I have not been living a joyous life. I have been hiding, hiding and hiding. God also reminded me since last night at cell group that I should start being serious about spending time with Him. God reminded me to bring my heart from home to here and start living like a true child of God - a winner and not a looser, strong and not weak, a king and not a beggar. I am a conqueror not a coward. I need to stand tall and stand strong, lift up the shield of faith and start marching on with my head held high.
God reminded me that the joy that I had was from Him and can only be found in Him alone. Nothing else can substitute it, not even best friends. Focus on Him.
I had an awesome time at cell group last night. I was myself, fully myself. I'm just a bit worried that I am too domineering that I muted some people. God, help me. But I was myself and I enjoyed cell group very much last night and even the fellowship just now. Although I don't get to be lame and stuff, perhaps I can reserve that to be my home stuff - stuff that I do at home only. But I was happy at cell group. Although none of them celebrate my birthday, yeah, I learned to get past that. Just look past all that. They don't celebrate everyone's birthday also. Perhaps I feel that some people are rather selfish lo. Want their own birthdays to be celebrated but declared that celebrations be stopped once theirs are done. But then I know heavens rejoice when I was born. God smiled when he made me. What more do I have to ask for?
Things I am learning,
Talk but don't dominate
Being humble doesn't mean being weak and reserved nor ignorant
Love does not equal giving yourself up to be stepped upon
Be an Optimist Prime and not a Negatron
Always listen to the voice of God, keep strong in Him, keep on keeping on.
No doubt I will still love Terry and Andrea and all besties that I hang out with back home and even the ones here that I start to love very much but the one love that must go on and continue to be the first and most important in my life is my love for the one above. If that goes on well, the love for the rest will go on strong.
Besties brought my heart from home back here. I love you Father. Always will.
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