What do you want?

A lot of things are in the mind. The mind is a powerful thing. But we have control over it. If you say you don't have control, go get help from a pastor or a psychiatrist or something.

Let's say an exam just finished and everyone is coming out of the exam hall. Then B ask A, "How's the test?" A, who really studied and find the exam easy replied, "Oh the exam was okay. I think I can do quite a lot of it."

B can either reply :
1) Wow, good for you. How did you studied?
2) Elehhh... so proud la you.
3) Oh ok. She must have cheated.

From one neutral, honest reply another person can perceive things in so many ways.

There are so many instances, so many types of situations that I would find and put it down but sorry to say, this sickness makes me tired so I can't really think much.

So I'm guessing that there are people who doesn't like me. I am not sure what I did that caused it to happen. There are people who talk bad about me, who spread gossip about me and my faith, there are people who thought of me badly and all of these, I cannot change because my conviction is sure, I did not do anything wrong.

Perhaps, all of my good intentions, all of what I did or did not do were all perceived badly. I'm not sure whether it's true that they say I am a fanatic about my faith, that I am arrogant, that I do things contrary to what the bible teaches.

All I can say, if I did anything wrong, why didn't you tell me? So that I can change and be a better Christian? Perhaps if you really know me... there's no need for me to defend myself. I still need to live. I cannot be bogged down by what people think of me. If not, do you want me to do something like what Tiger Woods did? Open a press conference to explain my conduct? But I didn't do anything wrong lo.

Then you people out there except for Poet and those who really care about me from back home and family of Christ, why do you keep coming here to read? You come to find gossip? You come to spread more lies about me?

You see things, you say bad things in the dark, you think bad things without bothering to find out whether it is true, do you think I am a person who's always out to disturb your life and bother you? You thought your little works and words and the true meaning behind your words can't get to me?

Do you know how it hurts to know people whom I regard as friends and have been trying so very hard to live with come and do all these to me?