And so, I have been here for a month. Facing lots of things and lots of pressures. Lol, if I were to start writing this just a few hours ago, the tune of this would be very different. And now I have my mum behind my back, tracking my every move just because of some incident that God let happen for His reasons (which I may talk about later if it comes back to mind) but I'm feeling so much better now compared to just a day ago. And naturally, it's all God's work. All glory to Him and Him only.
So I came to uni, all gung-ho to start a new life, build new lifestyle and mold a better character. Coming with high hopes, high aims, high expectations along with prophecies that promise a good future and beyond, I am very attentive in class, trying to do everything right to get the best results that kind of thing. All in all, I want to do the best until this motivation and this zeal went overboard. Before I go on, let me tell you guys how local uni life is.
Uni life is busy. I won't only be busy with classes but also friends, getting meals, chores, assignments, college activities and also different associations and also things of my Spiritual life. I'm busy to the point of not having my own time, tired until I'm too lazy to set up my laptop to go online. Traveling time between classes is already long and taxing and first few weeks being blur about classes and the whole uni and stuff, everything seemed so blur and out of control. When I tried starting the day with time with God, life seemed better but still I feel very pressure especially when things come piling up like the Chinese association and stuff. I became bitter and unfriendly and sulky. I just feel so stressed. Then when higher authorities come saying things like must study hard and so on, the pressure just piled up higher. I was so stressed that I felt like I'm on the edge of going nuts. I held on to things even harder, trying to protect my precious time and schedule as if they were my babies and will bite off the heads of people who threaten them.
Then I went to church on Friday on a stranger's car. The service was nice, with the Holy Spirit there ministering and spoke to me but the journey back was traumatizing. Apparently he didn't know the KL roads well so most of the time he would just try his luck, just going on and on hoping to find the way back. I wonder what kind of faith he had in himself going on and on like that without trying much to ask for help. We were lost for around an hour, I was seriously panicking inside and almost in a wreck in the car while he can still give, a few times, nervous laughter. I did manage to arrive in college safely, vowing to never step into that car anymore. After that I became really shaken.
After that, there were many instances when God is clearly speaking to me, through the verse on my cup, text from a friend, devotional and also impression in my heart. But my heart was hard, still holding on to things unconciously, unable to fully let go.
Then today I went to Acts church. It is actually in The Summite Hotel xD Awesome, aye? The welcoming is great, the music team is great, the sermon is awesome and God's presence is awesomely there too :D God ministered through Pastor Sandra, actually convicted me of the wrong ways I've been living - under fear of failure, under the fear of failing parents. It never crossed my mind. Then there was a call to make a covenant with God about our lives, our studies, to let go and let God take over and make Him the first in our lives, seeking Him first everyday before anything else. It's been a long time since I was touched like that. Perhaps I'll settle down in Acts church.
And what am I going to do next? I'll try to settle things. First of all is to set my time table, study time and church time so that no other things can take them away, grabbing time the right way and not waste any more time. And all these, I will do under the guidance of the Holy Spirit and not my own understanding.
As for the verse that kept popping up, it goes like this...
But those who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint. - Isaiah 40:31And I want to soar again, like the eagle with the Holy Spirit lifting me up higher and higher, gliding through the air with me, guiding me...
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