Saturday 16 July 2016

Today, I'm Calling it Off...


Above is a poem an old friend posted about a month ago. And to preserve her privacy, I shall not name who it is. Poignant, sad... when things get broken, there's bound to be sadness although all kinds of people will do all kinds of stuff to numb the pain and to hide the fear.

I've been thinking to myself that if I ever get married, in front of everyone I will vow to never think of or mention the word "divorce" IF I ever found someone who would vow to do the same with me. Honestly, I don't know if I would ever find someone and I'm never going to settle or allow the fears and expectations or the words of the old people to cause me to be so fixated at finding someone. Because if I chose to be with someone, it will be like what is vowed - for life til death do we part. Partially also because I know relationships can be hard and I'm still learning, to love, to communicate, to respect and to honour even the most general of relationships.

I've seen way too many broken marriages in the past two months that it astounds me how things can turn into so much hopelessness, so much hurt and so much animosity that they consider the marriage to be worth broken. The ones I'm observing right below my eyes are relationships that doesn't involve violence nor physical abuse. They are just hurtful vents going to and fro, insecurities causing control and then causing hurt and stifling and passive aggression that have mounted up into Everests throughout the years that when it finally reached a peak, they just gave up. Because the world tells them to. Because the world tells them that they deserve happiness. Because they world tells them they deserve things and they shut off and think of THEMSELVES ONLY when in relationships, in marriage, two has become ONE.

Then the world lures them off to the beauty of singleness, of freedom, of non-commitment when the time they were fully in love, they were so willing to give up their all, say their vows and become one with another person to face the world. "What do YOU need?" turns into "What do I need?", "What can I give?" turns into "What can YOU give?" From protecting each other, becoming attacking each other.

Yes, some relationships are abusive but the ones I am seeing aren't those kind. These started out STRONG through thick and thin but somehow, like the one above, after 7 years it gave way. Many factors may have come: distance, own ambitions, not hearing the desires of each other...

I grieve knowing all these. I grieve at the broken families. I grieve over the state of the children as a result of these. Break ups are hard enough. I can't comprehend broken covenants. The earth mourns.

These are people who are smart. Women who are tough and highly educated. It isn't their fault to be tough and highly educated and it isn't the fault of being that causing the breaking of relationships. It's how BOTH of them work it out, how BOTH of them talk things out, how BOTH of them would fiercely fight for the relationship.

It's so easy to let go. "It's just a piece of paper." They say. Little did they know that under all the deception and what the world says, the amount of brokenness it has caused.

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