Now life has killed the dream I dreamed.

I dreamed a dream in time gone by
When hope was high and life worth living
I dreamed that love would never die
I dreamed that God would be forgiving

I loved theater. I loved and enjoyed the stage. I loved embracing a different character, one that I can relate to. I love the applause, the lights, the sights the sounds.

Then I was young and unafraid
And dreams were made and used and wasted
There was no ransom to be paid
No song unsung, no wine untasted

I acted in several plays and there was one that I nailed the character and brought tears to people's eyes numerous times and they still talk about it every Easter. I threw myself out, bruised myself as the character needed it and let my tears flow in public which I never did. There was once I conquered the stage.

But the tigers come at night
With their voices soft as thunder
As they tear your hopes apart
And they turn your dream to shame

"You didn't let go. You're still very much in control."

It woke me up. What happened? I didn't disagree. I realized, yes. But, what happened?

I realized, theater performances has stopped being a delight, a passion but - a chore. I did it not because I loved it now. I did it because I have to and I am not enjoying it and unconsciously it showed in my performance.

And still I dream he'll come to me
That we'll live the years together
But there are dreams that cannot be
And there are storms we cannot weather

I don't know. I really don't know. I know deep inside of me, I still love the stage, the attention, the excitement of doing my best in expressing my character and giving the audiences the utmost satisfaction. But now, I don't know. I would love performing not in this context, not with so much stress and so much of people that I don't know how to work with. I don't know but I hope I will rekindle my passion for the final performance.

I had a dream my life would be
So different from this hell I'm living
So different now from what it seemed

Perhaps I am too tired with the lack of sleep. I sometimes relive that moment on the stage of the civic center in my hometown, the adrenaline, the surge of emotions, the passion. But compared to just now, it is like plain water and a cheese cake. Just now, I wasn't even in the character. All that was in my mind was to do the steps, to not fall and to finish it. Somewhere along the days, I just stopped enjoying all these.

Now life has killed
The dream I dreamed.

Honestly I don't know what to do. I thought last week's break would do the trick but, no it didn't. Perhaps I am too tired. Perhaps.