18 May

"Hey, what is the date today?"

Mom asked while staring at the parking ticket thing with a coin in her other hand ready to scratch the date and the time. I pulled out my hand phone from my old crocheted hand phone bag and pressed a random button. The screen came to life and I looked for the date.

18-May-2011

Something made me take another look at the date. Strangely it looked familiar. I tried to recall what this date is linked to but I couldn't.

"13 May." I replied blur.

"Where got 13 May la. So long already still 13 May." Mom retorted. She continues scratching the time.

"Ehh.. 18 May."

***

"Happy Birthday Eve!"

I saw Jean posted on Facebook. Then it dawned on me that it was her birthday - an old Bestie that I had years ago.

I haven't been in contact with her for years now. In fact, I was the one who didn't want to keep in contact with her. I just let the wind blow, the time pass. I just didn't make any efforts to keep in contact with her. She didn't make any effort too. If she did, I would be too shy to turn her away. But she also let it pass too. I stopped joining activities that we both shared before like in the Girl's Brigade and also LifeGame so we didn't get to meet at all unless we make efforts to meet up or accidentally meet in church after service. I did went occasionally to talk to her but I've always felt that dissatisfaction with her.

There were things that happened, I did got angry and immensely frustrated about her and when I left for studies we just drifted apart.

I remembered celebrating her birthday, making a large elaborate card that have pop ups. I also remembered gifts from her for my birthday, a cup which I kept for uni use and still using now and a small card with messages she collected from people of loved ones then. She was also in my scrap book. We shared almost everything with each other, slept together before and everything. We've had real good times together and like the song "Seasons in the Sun" we did shared our hearts and scraped our knees together. But we parted our ways.

I don't know if she looked back or missed those times. I don't know if I should make a reconnection. I have changed a lot. She seemed pretty much the same from the photos in facebook. I don't even have her on my friend's list. I deleted her then.

But looking at the photos of her on facebook, on her early birthday celebrations of friends she is now close with, she is happy. Our old gang is dispersed. We had a rather dysfunctional gang. But it did served its purpose then. No photos of our old gang, we never took any. Only and old one together with a lot of others of that generation. No other trace of our old times.

Then I saw a handmade card for one of her friend's birthday. Pop out, large with photos. The same pattern as the card I gave her. Same pattern of pop outs. Did she keep that card I made for her? Did she store the memories we've had before? I can't remember the gifts I ever got her before.

Should I drop a cupcake at her gate for her to find with surprise? Should I leave her a letter? A note along with it? My phone number? Should I try to tread that path of friendship again?

I don't know. I have changed a lot. Like, a lot. Plus if I tread that path again, there are things that we need to clear, old things that we might dig up. I don't think I want that anymore. I've moved on, I see you have too. And I think it's best keeping it that way.

I still remember your birthday. Happy Birthday Old Bestie.