God bless all my students, the ones now and future ones that will come across my path. God bless them with love, joy and peace. God bless them with wisdom and a touch from God in their lives both at home and also in school.
God bless all my lecturers that I am going to have and meet in my new semester. God bless them with wisdom, love and the fear in God. God bless them with peace, joy and love. God bless them with patience and humility. God bless them with good health.
God bless all the road users I meet everyday. God bless them with peace, joy and love. God bless them with a kind heart.
***
As easy as it sounds, it is not easy when you keep blessing them and we don't see results. I do feel that there's a lot more to do than just merely "God bless you." Perhaps I have to do warfare? Perhaps I have to prophecy over them? But what if tons of them suddenly manifest at the same time? Can God work despite the unbelief of the head of the school? Could that unbelief be a hindering spirit? There's a lot going on in another person's life. Plus I will be in a horrible atmosphere in uni where there are prayers of another religion blasted out loud more than 5 times a day. Can these "God bless you" break the curse over their lives that as I work with them, they will be nicer, more tolerable, more cooperating?
It has been hard, the two years in uni. Now during holidays I have to work with my groupmates for that assignment. Not much people are responding. Then we have to sort out stuff for the coming conference in Perak. Someone have to write letters for approval, apply for transportation and etc and no one is helping or initiating except making sure their own rooms are booked and assuming someone to take up the role of applying for busses and so on. The only few people that I can trust and depend on is Vic and Din. Some thing it's pathetic to not have any Chinese friends but what to do if they cannot be trusted and they hard so hard to get along with? I'm pretty sure it is not totally my problem that we can't get along. They pretty much have tons of issues themselves.
And all those times i kept praying for blessings on them, binding the foul spirits whenever those prayers are being aired, blessing everyone I meet, muttering tongues when I can remember, saying the Lord's prayer every morning right after I brush my teeth or when I first open my eyes...
Not easy. Especially when there's hardly any like-minded people working for the same thing whom I can fellowship and get some support.
No wonder so many just shut off from people, work hard on their academics and keep to themselves. There's just too much to handle.
Then this hols, the work also. I can manage the work. I can't manage the little people that I meet everyday. Having to make them do things that they hate. Having them scorn at me, whine and mock me, call names, make fun...
No wonder so many teachers just become strict and stiff and solid and boring. To entertain them just takes too much toll on our energy. Just to listen to EACH one of them is already super draining. There's just too much, too many to handle.
Some say, I just pray and ask God what He wants me to do and just do what He told me to. But there are responsibilities. I am not the boss. If I were the one who open a school or a king or anything, I can just do whatever I want. But I must go to every class. I must attend every lecture. I must teach according to syllabus. I can't just chuck everything out the window and do whatever I want.
Honestly, the way I am feeling right now is that, it isn't as easy as saying it on paper or just saying it out loud. Even for things like romance, like a guy interested in me, I considered him and my heart say no. I can't spend more time thinking about this issue because there are so many things at hand that I still have to deal with. As much as I wish I could have someone to cuddle up to and talk to anytime I want and receive gifts and spend wonderful moments together, I can't just simply settle for someone and receive all that and then give all that then dealing with all the other things and when all fade away then I realize he's not the one, it would be selfish and hurtful and totally not beneficial. With all these I felt like, I don't have time to handle another issue. I'd freak out. I have freaked out. I am edging away. I can't handle it. I can't handle any bit of it.
:(
All I can do now is to chuck everything at God. There's nothing I can do. Then I just escape into a novel (which I pick up after so many years of not reading a novel) or a movie. If not, if I start to think about it again I'd break down. There's too much to handle. I do hate how life chucks at us so many things at one time.
1 comment:
Hey Dora, life ain't easy, eh? I can't do much except to just encourage you and remember you in prayer. So yeah, remember that you'll always have people out there loving you and praying for you! Take care! =)
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